Newkid-jew-large 125891

"Jew, huh? So I guess we'll never really be friends." - Cartman

"A Jew from New Jersey? So you are basically Kyle's mother." A Jew is a Class which Eric Cartman invented, in which when the player is closer to death, the player becomes more powerful.

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The Jew class has many pieces of armor and weaponry that focuses on their suffering to empower them. Much armor increases your damage the more status effects you're suffering, such as damage increases for each stack of bleeding the New Kid has. Some of their armor also lowers the damage from bleeding. Their weaponry isn't great to start out with, but will begin gaining Holy-elemental damage on them, which pierces all defense and is effective on Gingers and Nazi Zombies. Nearly all of their special attacks will also focus on the remaining HP the New Kid has, with lower HP giving higher damage. Later armor will begin to add perks known as Holy Fire, Holy Bile, and Righteous Blood, which adds more damage as the New Kid suffers more and more status effects. In this way, healing status effects may not always be a good idea, for players can turn their suffering upon their opponents to end any battle quickly. To truly master the Jew class, players must be prepared to risk their life for high damage.


Sling of DavidEdit

Sling of David

Cost: 6 PP

Description: Cast the first stone at the enemy. Deals more damage if done perfectly, but can lead to self-injury if done improperly.


  • PC: Mash A and D. When flash, Left-Click.
  • PS3: Spin Left-Stick. When flash, press X.
  • 360: Spin Left-Stick. When flash, press A.

Availability: Level 1

Rank 2: Increases the damage of your Sling.

Rank 3: Inflicts Attack Down and Pissed Off, forcing enemies to target you without using special abilities.

Rank 4: Your sling attacks now bounce to a random additional target.

Rank 5: The more damage you have suffered, the more powerful your Sling becomes.



Cost: 8 PP

Description: Utilizes a secret Jewish martial art to pummel your target with a Stunning strike.


  • PC: Mash Left-Click.
  • PS3: Mash X.
  • 360: Mash A.

Availability: Level 2

Rank 2: Increases damage dealt by your Jew-Jitsu attacks.

Rank 3: The more damage you have suffered, the more powerful Jew-Jitsu becomes.

Rank 4: After a successful attack, you are protected by a divine shield that stops the next hit.

Rank 5: Take another action if Jew-Jitsu knocks out your target.

Circum-Scythe Edit


Cost: 10 PP

Description: Slices off the Armor and Shields of your target while inflicting Bleeding damage to a sensitive area.


  • PC: When flash, Left-Click.
  • PS3: When flahs, press X.
  • 360: When flahs, press A.

Availability: Level 5

Rank 2: Increases the damage of your Circum-Scythe attacks.

Rank 3: On a perfect success, Circum-Scythe now inflicts two stacks of Bleeding.

Rank 4: Circum-Scythe now inflicts Defense Down.

Rank 5: Your Circum-Scythe now leaves all other enemies Grossed Out.

Whirling DoomEdit

Whirling Doom

Cost: 7 PP

Description: Send your dreidel bouncing between random enemies, stripping away all beneficial status effects from all enemies hit.


  • PC: Mash A and D.
  • PS3: Spin Left-Stick.
  • 360: Spin Left-Stick.

Availability: Level 8

Rank 2: Increases the damage of all dreidel hits.

Rank 3: Dreidel attacks now bounce to more targets.

Rank 4: On a Perfect Success, all negative status effects on the New Kid are cured.

Rank 5: Cleanse your foes with fire, inflicting Burning with all dreidel hits.

Plagues of EgyptEdit

Plagues of Egypt

Cost: 20 PP

Description: Summon a mix of Pestilence, Fiery Hail, Frogs, and Flying Insects to deliver woe unto all your enemies.

Availability: Level 10


  • PC: Click W for Frogs, S for Fiery Hail, A for Pestilence, D for Flying Insects.
  • PS3: Push Left-Stick Up for Frogs, Left-Stick Down for Fiery Hail, Left-Stick Left for Pestilence, Left-Stick Right for Flying Insects.
  • 360: Push Left-Stick Up for Frogs, Left-Stick Down for Fiery Hail, Left-Stick Left for Pestilence, Left-Stick Right for Flying Insects.

Rank 2: Sinners beware, your plagues now inflict more damage.

Rank 3: Each time you visit Pestilence or Fiery Hail upon your foes, your team gains Attack Up.

Rank 4: Each time you visit Frogs or Flying Insects upon your foes, your team gains Ability Up.

Rank 5: You may visit an additional plague upon the wicked during your turn.


  • The Jew class is the only class that goes through physical changes as they rank up throughout the game, in which they gain curly hair on the sides of their faces - an item called "Sidelocks" that appears in the player's inventory under Makeup. This starts when they get promoted to Sir Douchebag.
  • The Jew class is also the only class that is needed for an achievement. If the player finds Jesus while playing a Jew, they will get the "Are we Cool?" achievement.
  • When the New Kid reaches "King" rank after defeating Clyde, he takes on the appearance of Jesus Christ, who is known as the "King of the Jews."
  • Many of the Jew class's special moves are derived from certain attributes of Jews in real life: the Sling of David is based on the story of David and Goliath, the Plagues of Egypt comes from the tale of Moses in the Bible; Whirlwind of Doom involves a dreidel, a toy invented for the Jewish holiday of Hanukkah, and Circum-Scythe is derived from circumcision, a surgical procedure invented by the Jews. The only move that isn't derived from any real-world Jewish stereotypes is Jew-Jitsu, whose name is a play on the name jujitsu, a fighting style from Asia.
  • The inclusion of a Jew class in the game makes it fitting, since common enemies are Nazi zombies, and Jews were persecuted by the Nazis in the Second World War.

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