The Coon/Quotes

This page lists all notable quotes spoken by The Coon in South Park: The Fractured But Whole.

Overview

The Coon's quotes largely revolves around his superhero persona, he heavily makes references to his animal namesake; often he refers himself in the third-person perspective.

Based from his quotes, he can also be seen as self-centered person at times, most notably when Henrietta uses her buffing abilities on other allies, or when other allies with buffing abilities provides a boost to other allies apart from himself.

The Coon also can be seen to like making fun on other allies, especially when paired with Human Kite or Call Girl, uttering quotes that refers them to being inferior than himself.

Unsurprisingly, most of the superheroes will point out that Mitch Conner, the eventual main villain of the game's plot is a mere act by The Coon, due to him speaking with the same voice and his alter-ego's known talent of ventriloquism, however The Coon will vehemently deny it, constantly stating that he has no control on Mitch, and that he is entirely acting his own accord.

Field/Story

During The Thin White Line

• "Wow, dude, that was hardcore." (if The New Kid farts on Jared)

During Freedom Calling

• "I'll prove my innocence, you assholes!"

During To Catch a Coon

• "So what, I just have to watch you eat, is that it? I'm not afraid..."
• "Guys, I really wish we could wrap this up."
• "Hey, I got an idea! Why don't we start looking for the New Kid's parents."
• "This is a waste of time. We should going after the bad guy."
• "This is so weak."
• "Broccoli... I'm not afraid of broccoli. It gets a bad rap, if you ask me." (if The New Kid selects the broccoli during the torture on The Coon)
• "Is that a cuttlefish? I prefer salmon myself." (if The New Kid selects the cuttlefish during the torture on The Coon)
• "Ugh, jeez! Well, I guess we're done here, huh?"
• "Can someone reach around and get this knot?"
• "Oh, god, you're not really gonna eat that burrito, are you?" (if The New Kid selects the vomit-covered burrito during the torture on The Coon)
• "Oh no. You're not gonna eat that vomit-covered broccoli? It's not organic." (if The New Kid selects the vomit-covered broccoli during the torture on The Coon)
• "Oh, hey, come on, you don't really want to eat my puke, do you?" (if The New Kid selects the vomit-covered cuttlefish during the torture on The Coon)
• "You're not gonna eat that chili dog, are you? That's not chili on top!" (if The New Kid selects the vomit-covered chili dog during the torture on The Coon)
• "Actually the asparagus might taste better with my vomit." (if The New Kid selects the vomit-covered asparagus during the torture on The Coon)
• "Ohh, now that's pretty gross, you guys." (after selecting a vomit-covered food item)

During Farts of Future Past

• "Mysterion? But you're with the Freedom Pals."
• "My left hand? For what you-"
• "Conner... What the hell are you doing here?"
• "Time tunnel so weak, weak, weak..."
• "Where are we now, Conner?"
• "Why have you brought us here?"
• "Don't do this to him."
• "Don't go, New Kid! You can't change the past!"
• "What?"
• "You did it! You stopped your dad! You saved your mom, New Kid!"
• "CONNER, NO!"
• "I'm the Coon. This is your kid from the future."
• "Oh, god! Barf!"
• "We're back in downtown South Park! But where is everybody?"
• "More importantly - what time of period we landed at?"
• "Look, ButtLord!"
• "You did it, ButtLord! It's inauguration day! We can still stop Conner from becoming mayor! Let's do this!"
• "This way!"
• "Guys? You're alive?"
• "NO, KYLE! I have no control over Mitch Conner!"
• "That's not funny, Kyle."
• "Dude, fuck you."

When The New Kid shows up in the Coon Lair

• "Jesus Christ, ButtLord... You're back again?"
• "Oh great, it's Butthole. Yayyy."

When The New Kid interacts with the Cube of Ultimate Destruction in the Coon Lair

• "You touch it again and we'll all fucking die!"
• "Hey, I told you not to fuck with that!"
• "Fucking stop!"

During From Dusk till Casa Bonita

• "Hey, New Kid! Dude, over here!"
• "I was investigating an infestation of vampires here at Casa Bonita."
• "But then one of them threw me in jail. I need your help."
• "I need you to... take a picture of me for my Coonstagram page while I'm in jail."
• "Fuck you, asshole!"
• "C'mon, I'm not leaving without my commemorative photograph."
• "Move the camera into place and let's make some memories."
• "Yes, that's it, Butthole!"
• "Yes! Now come here." (After the New Kid set the camera in place)
• "Nice. That's gonna look awesome on my Coonstagram."
• "Thanks, New Kid. I know you're here to stop the Vamp Kids too, and I want you to know, I'm gonna do whatever I can to help."
• "Holy shit, the crazy bastard made it."
• "Yeah. Butthole's probably in the water level right now."

Battle

• Selected
  • "The Coon approves."
  • "The Coon is back."
  • "Coon on the prowl."
  • "Get cooned!"
• Battle start
  • "Who wants the first cut?"
• Battle start, The Invitation
  • "Hah! The Coon will rip you to shreds with superior ninja fighting!"
• Turn start
  • "It's finally my turn? Oh, thank god."
  • "Welcome to Coontown!"
  • "Fuckin' finally."
  • "Watch this, New Kid. I'm gonna do something fucking sweet."
  • "I have a really good feeling about this, guys."
  • "Coon on the prowl!"
  • "You're the disease, and I'm the Coon."
  • "Oh, this is my favorite part."
  • "This is for Scrambles, you bastards!"
  • "Prepare to be shredded."
  • "Prepare for Cooning!"
  • "Dramatic Coon move incoming..."
  • "This is gonna sting."
  • "Coon Claws out!"
  • "Beware of the Coon!"
  • "Step aside Coon Friends. Daddy's home."
  • "You're not gonna know what hit you, but it was definitely the Coon."
  • "Are you a hemophiliac? Let's find out!"
  • "Coon on the plate!"
  • "Welcome to the last day of the rest of your life."
  • "Time to spread some rabies."
  • "Time to thin out the crowd."
  • "Who's ready to get maimed?"
  • "This one's all me."
  • "Full disclosure: This is gonna hurt like hell."
  • "Avert your eyes, children! The Coon's about to get into some adult situations."
  • "I require absolute silence as I stalk my prey."
• Turn start versus Buca De Faggonchini chefs
  • "Watch and learn, newbie, the Coon's on deck! The rest of you, try not to die."
• Turn start versus Chaos Minions, The Hundred Hands of Chaos
  • "Your minions are no match for my claws, Chaos!"
• Turn start versus Vampires
  • "Bad news, bloodsuckers. It's the Coon's turn."
  • "I came here to kill vampires and eat sopaipillas. And I'm gonna do both."
  • "Abandon all hope, vamps. It's Coon time."
  • "This seems like a good time for some sopaipillas."
• Turn start, in low health
  • "You know, sometimes I feel like I'm the only one pulling his weight around here."
• Human Kite turn start
  • "Prepare for a vicious squinting."
• New Kid turn start
  • "It's go time, ButtLord."
  • "Don't mess this up, DickBag!"
  • "Fuck 'em up, Butthole!"
  • "Punch someone for the Coon, FartLord."
  • "Hit someone for the Coon, ButtLord!"
• Idle
  • "Just...need to stand here a little longer... Little longer."
  • "Do you hear that? It's the sound of an impending Coon."
  • "Man... I'm just really gonna violate someone, you guys, I'm so excited."
  • "I'll go when I have everyone's complete attention. Otherwise I'm just gonna fuckin' stand here."
  • "I find that if I take a long time planning my turn, revenge is that much sweeter."
  • "I need...absolute silence, you guys. Seriously, nobody talk or even do anything."
  • "Soon... Soon the Coon shall strike. Oh yes."
  • "Let's see, I could give you a vicious clawing... Or you... Or you... Hmm."
  • "The anticipation... It's building so high, you guys."
  • "These claws are highly infectious, FYI."
  • "You could try running. It won't work."
  • "OK... Who needs to be Cooned the hardest?"
• Self and ally idle
  • "Every fight counts, guys. We're building brand momentum."
• Ally idle
  • "At moments like this, just think, "What would The Coon do?""
  • "OK, look, if you're not sure what to do just hit something as hard as you can."
  • "GO!"
  • "Hurry up!"
  • "You can start doing cool stuff any time."
  • "Should I tell you what to do? Would that help?"
  • "GO GO GO GO GO! Oh my god!"
  • "It's hard to be part of an elite fighting force if you don't take your FUCKING TURN!"
  • "No, really, just take all the time in the world..."
  • "Jesus Christ, Butthole, I thought you were good at this fart stuff."
  • "OK, my Chicken Deluxe Dinner is getting cold, you guys."
• Human Kite idle
  • "It's not math homework, just do a laser thing."
• New Kid idle
  • "It's OK, New Kid. I was like you once. Confused, stupid, ineffective. Oh no, wait, that was Kyle."
  • "Hey, New Kid. When I don't see you doing any superhero shit, it makes me question your superhero status."
  • "Hey, hey FartLord, these idiots aren't going to kick their own asses. Do your job!"
  • "Get it in gear ButtLord, I got hell to unleash over here."
• Toolshed idle
  • "Look, this is not like...Ikea furniture assembly - just drill someone!"
  • "Just grab your tool and get down to business, dude!"
  • "Coon to Toolshed: Do some hero shit or you're fired!"
  • "Toolshed, you've changed, bro. The old Toolshed, he took his turn promptly."
  • "DUDE, FUCKING GO!"
• After using Coon Claws
  • "Oh yeah, this one bleeds real nice."
  • "Now go tell everyone you cut yourself manscaping."
  • "You'll want to put some pressure on that."
  • "Get your mom to kiss that boo-boo."
  • "Now imagine I squirted lemon juice in that. Oooh!"
  • "Guess crime doesn't pay after all, huh?"
  • "A few gallons of club soda ought to take those blood stains out."
  • "Hope your immunizations are up to date!"
  • "Looks like I might've lanced a whitehead, you're so welcome."
• After using Coon Claws on Vampires
  • "Better apply a sopaipilla and some pressure on those wounds."
  • "Now quit sucking up all the sopaipillas."
  • "Guess vampires aren't immune to coon claws!"
• After using Coon Claws and Coon Lunge
  • "Didn't your mom teach you it's rude to bleed on other people's claws?"
• Using Coon Lunge
  • "Get cooned!"
  • "Coon comin' through!"
  • "Make way for Coon."
• Using Coon Lunge, The Hundred Hands of Chaos
  • "The Coon strikes Chaos at its heart!"
• After using Coon Lunge
  • "Thanks for standing there like a little bitch deer in the headlights."
  • "Cower before your natural enemy. It's the Coon."
• After using Coon Lunge on Raisins Girl
  • "All day, ladies! I can do this. All. Day."
• Using Coon Pounce
  • "This might sting."
• After using Coon Pounce and Prime-Time Coon
  • "Try not to slip on your own guts. I'd hate for you to fall and hurt yourself."
• After using Coon Pounce on Vampire
  • "Bats aren't the only mammal that can fly."
• After using Prime-Time Coon
  • "Whew. I'll feel that tomorrow."
• After ally attacking
  • "Save some for the Coon!"
  • "The Coon approves."
  • "Cool."
  • "Fucking sweet."
  • "For best results, target the groin or face!"
  • "You knocked that bitch down to Kyle's reading level."
• After ally using punching attack
  • "That was a thorough fisting."
• After Call Girl using Selfie-Stick Strike
  • "Nice try, Call Girl. I know this combat stuff doesn't really come naturally to you."
  • "FYI: Those pics are now the intellectual property of Coonstagram."
• After Captain Diabetes using High-Fructose Death Wave and victory
  • "We fuckin' rocked that."
• After Henrietta using Cigarette Burn
  • "Fucking sweet burn."
  • "Huh. A hint of cloves."
  • "You're on fire."
• Targeted by Satanic Seal
  • "That's some real wicked shit."
• Targeted by Satanic Seal and Baleful Blessing
  • "Sweet, thanks!"
• After Henrietta using Satanic Seal on ally
  • "Hey, buff me too!"
  • "You're gonna buff me next, right?"
• After Henrietta using Satanic Seal on New Kid
  • "WHAT? Supercharge The Coon, not that stupid Butthole!"
• Targeted by Baleful Blessing
  • "My forehead feels super hot right now?"
  • "Feed me, vamp dorks."
  • "Fuckin' sweet."
• After Henrietta using Black Mass
  • "Oh my god, she totally just tore your souls out and gave them to us, hah."
  • "You just got totally fucked by some demon."
  • "Nice one, Souls of the Damned."
• Targeted by Jetstream
  • "I didn't ask for your help, by the way. Just putting that on record."
  • "Thanks for the lift and stuff, I guess."
• After Human Kite using Wrath of Kite
  • "Way to impress the 45-to-54-year-old kite-enthusiast demographic!"
• After Mosquito using Skeeter Swarm
  • "Dude, you literally suck."
• After Mysterion using Demonic Fury
  • "You're a loose cannon, Mysterion, but you get results."
• After New Kid attacking
  • "Keep it up, kid, and we might be friends some day."
  • "OK, I admit it, Buttlord - you got some potential."
  • "Wow, I am almost impressed."
  • "ButtLord's not taking any shit!"
  • "Not bad, New Kid."
  • "Someone's ready for their spin-off. In Turkish markets, at least."
• After New Kid using Brains move
  • "ButtLord's coming out blasting!"
• After New Kid using Netherborn move
  • "You took them to a dark place, Butthole."
• After New Kid using Elemental Onslaught
  • "Cold, Butthole, I like it!"
• After New Kid using Dire Shroud on self
  • "Oh, how nice for you, ButtLord."
• After New Kid using Dire Shroud on enemy
  • "Nasty but nice, Butthole."
• Targeted by Unground, The Chaos Gambit
  • "Hell yeah, I'm ungrounded!"
• After Super Craig using Mega Fist Punch
  • "Haha! You bitch-slapped that bitch!"
  • "Not bad, Super Craig, but try not to slouch next time."
• After Super Craig using Omega Crash Extra
  • "Way to use your head. Next time try putting a little heart into it."
• After Toolshed using Full Bore
  • "Drill, baby, drill!"
• After Tupperware using Tupper Tornado
  • "Careful there, Tupperware, or you'll fog up your helmet."
  • "Always bet on black, am I right?"
• After Tupperware using Hot Swap
  • "That's what I call affirmative action!"
• Targeted by Soothing Showers
  • "Don't get my fur wet you guys. This costume is dry-clean only."
• After a Timefart
  • "Oh my god, the ButtLord fucked you!"
  • "Your turn is now property of Coon and Friends!"
  • "Haha, you got screwed!"
• Attacked
  • "You fuck with the Coon, you answer to his friends. Right, guys?"
  • "Hey!"
  • "Typical dirty tactics."
  • "Knock it off!"
  • "Bullshit! I call bullshit."
  • "Hey! Don't mess with the Coon, dumbass!"
  • "Oh, you are so fucking dead."
  • "Ow! Didn't hurt."
  • "You've wounded the Coon. Big mistake."
  • "You've made a powerful and...raccoon-shaped...enemy."
  • "I...hardly felt that thanks to the wiry fur that covers my body!"
  • "Not cool!"
• Targeted by Ground, The Chaos Gambit
  • "That's fucking bullshit!**
  • "Oh no..."
  • "Fucking god dammit!"
• Attacked, Farts of Future Past
  • "Focus on Mitch Conner!"
  • "I'm not the bad guy here!"
  • "No, I'm on your side!"
  • "You're playing right into Kite's hand!"
• Attacked by Chaos Minion, The Hundred Hands of Chaos
  • "Their Chaos powers are preventing me from understanding their speech!"
• Attacked by Vampire
  • "You're next, you little shit!"
  • "You're next, vamp."
  • "Hey! Stupid vampires!"
• Ally attacked
  • "You're looking a little fucked up, there, dude."
• Ally attacked by Jared Fogle
  • "Jesus, fucking pedo!"
• Jared Fogle summoning aides
  • "Aides? We have to fight aides? Fucking Jared."
• New Kid attacked
  • "Walk it off, ButtLord!"
  • "Quit screwing around, ButtLord!"
• Super Craig attacked
  • "It'd be a shame if you ripped your sweet costume, Super Craig."
• Enemy defeated
  • "You deserved what you got!"
  • "This is coming together exactly how I planned."
  • "Fucked by the long dong of justice!"
  • "Oh yeah! Take that, bitch!"
  • "Another foe falls before the might of Coon and Friends!"
• Enemy defeated, after joining Freedom Pals
  • "Another foe falls before the might of Coon and Frie- I mean, Freedom Pals."
• After defeating enemy
  • "The Coon claims another victim."
• Enemy defeated by Captain Diabetes
  • "And diabetes claims another victim!"
• Chiquita the Gorilla defeated
  • "Suck it, Chiquita! There's a new silverback in town."
• Vampire defeated
  • "Hah! Take that, vamp-douche!"
  • "Bye! Hope you enjoyed your La Casa Bonita experience!"
• Macaroni Picture used
  • "What kind of Jew black magic is this?"
• After using healing item on self
  • "I feel so turgid right now."
  • "I am so fucking healthy!"
  • "Now I'm back to peak Coon!"
• After using healing item on ally
  • "Oh-no, you're not done!"
• Burning status cured
  • "Great news, I'm not on fire anymore!"
  • "And THAT is the last fucking time I will be on fire, thank you."
  • "So, now that I'm no longer burning, I need someone to cream my back."
• Ally Burning status cured
  • "Trash fire's out!"
  • "Congratulations, you're no longer on fire."
• Healed
  • "Coon concentration, enhanced."
  • "I do like a good buff. Helps me Coon harder."
  • "Ooh, I'm all tingly."
• Healed by item
  • "THE PAIIIIIIN... Oh wait! It's gone!"
  • "I'm definitely living my best life."
• Healed and protected
  • "Give it to me."
• Protected
  • "Who would be stupid enough to challenge the Coon now?"
  • "The Coon always recommends carrying protection."
• Reviving Call Girl
  • "Time to wake up and go home, Call Girl."
• Revived and Attack Up
  • "It's about fucking time."
• Defeated
  • "With friends like these, who needs assholes?"
  • "Tell everyone... I know they loved me."
• Defeated by Red Wine Drunk Randy
  • "Do not give that fucker his keys!"
• Defeated, final mission, Farts of Future Past
  • "Nooooo!"
• Ally defeated
  • "What the fuck!"
  • "God dammit!"
• Henrietta defeated
  • "Great, now who's gonna heal me? The Butthole? Fuck!"
  • "You better not have died on purpose!"
• Human Kite defeated
  • "Oh my god, Kyle! Way to embarrass yourself in front of the New Kid."
• Mysterion defeated
  • "Oh, look, Mysterion's dead again."
• New Kid defeated
  • "We're going to need a new New Kid."
• Toolshed defeated
  • "I call dibs on Toolshed's drills!"
  • "Quit laying down on the job, Toolshed!"
• Attack Up
  • "Oh fuck yeah, that's what I'm talking about!"
• Ally Attack Up
  • "Go fuck 'em up!"
• Burning
  • "I am engulfed in flames! Shit."
  • "Oh, by the way, I'm still on fire you guys, your leader is like burning up here."
  • "I'm burning, I'm burning here!"
• Charmed
  • "Wait, I think I'm with the other team now..."
• Chilled
  • "The Coon is mostly impervious to the cold. Mostly..."
• Lifesteal
  • "You got so cooned."
  • "Suck it."
• New Kid Lifesteal
  • "Nice mooching, Butthole."
• Ally Regeneration
  • "Lucky!"
• Victory
  • "Once again, the Coon saves the day."
  • "I could have done this myself, but I'm glad you're here to watch."
• Victory, against Shub-Niggurath, also when Shub-Niggurath devours white meat
  • "Oh my god, that was fucking awesome you guys!"
• Dialogue
  • With Black Vampire, after using Coon Pounce on Black Vampire
    • Black Vampire: "Hey, what the fuck you supposed to be anyway?"
      The Coon: "I'm... The Coon."
      Black Vampire: "Sorry the what? And you callin' us Vamp Kids lame?"
  • With Buca De Faggonchini chef, turn start
    • ​The Coon: "I'm gonna dip my balls in your sauce."
      Chef: "No! Not...not...not my sauce!"
    • ​The Coon: "The Coon will bring you dastardly chefs to justice!"
      Chef: "What? We're just making the pasta and the scaloppini!"
  • With Buca De Faggonchini chef, attacked by Buca De Faggonchini chef
    • Chef: "You want a creme fraiche bukkake with that?"
      ​The Coon: "Hell fucking no!"
  • With Call Girl, New Kid turn start
    • Call Girl: "Freedom Pal or Coon Friend, you're cool in my book, New Kid."
      The Coon: "Coon AND Friend!!"
      Call Girl: "Hmm, maybe I'm leaning towards Freedom Pal."
  • With Call Girl, after using Coon Claws
    • Call Girl: "You're such a savage, Cartman!"
      The Coon: "You still here Call Girl? Go home already."
    • Call Girl: "I bet we'd make a good crime-fighting team."
      The Coon: "What do you think we're doing right now?"
      Call Girl: "I mean in real life!"
  • With Call Girl, Call Girl attacked
    • The Coon: "I felt that one, Call Girl. You're probably ready to leave and never come back, right?"
      Call Girl: "Ready to kick ass, more like it!"
    • The Coon: "Hmm maybe you should call it a day before you mess up your hair." / "Nasty hit, Call Girl! No one would blame you if you just packed up your shit and left, now."
      Call Girl: "It's more than you could take, Coon."
    • The Coon: "That looked like it hurt, Call Girl. You probably should go home." / "Hmm maybe you should call it a day before you mess up your hair."
      Call Girl: "Nope. I'm good."
  • With Captain Diabetes, after using Coon Pounce
    • Captain Diabetes: "Looking sharp, Coon!"
      The Coon: "Damn right, Diabetes."
  • With Corey Haim, after self or ally attacking Corey Haim
    • Corey Haim: "Stop doggin' me around!"
      The Coon: "Nooooo thank you."
  • With Fastpass, after using Coon Pounce
    • ​Fastpass: "That was pretty cool, Coon. I couldn't even see the wires."
      The Coon: "Fuck you, dude! I don't use wires."
  • With Fastpass, attacked
    • ​The Coon: "You fuck with the Coon, you answer to his friends. Right, guys?"
      Fastpass: "Avenging you is on my to-do list!"
  • With Henrietta, Henrietta turn start, To Catch a Coon
    • The Coon: "Dammit, I didn't kidnap ButtLord's parents!"
      Henrietta: "This is such obvious bullshit."
  • With Henrietta, after Henrietta using Cigarette Burn
    • The Coon: "Nice one, dragon lady."
      Henrietta: "Thanks, rat-boy."
      The Coon: "I'M A COON!"
  • With Henrietta, enemy defeated
    • Henrietta: "That was satisfactory."
      The Coon: "Jeez, will you lighten up?"
  • With Henrietta, Chiquita the Gorilla defeated
    • The Coon: "Suck it, Chiquita! There's a new silverback in town."
      Henrietta: "I thought you were a stupid raccoon."
      The Coon: "I thought you were a stupid bitch."
  • With Henrietta, attacked
    • Henrietta: "Coon's hit. Nobody cares."
      The Coon: "Oh yeah, like anyone cares about a fat goth bitch."
      Henrietta: "At least I've accepted it."
    • Henrietta: "Poor feral cat."
      The Coon: "I'm the Coon, bitch!"
    • Henrietta: "Oh good, you're still alive."
      The Coon: "Don't sound so thrilled. Jesus."
  • With Henrietta, attacked, To Catch a Coon
    • The Coon: "I'm just a bystander here!"
      Henrietta: "Fuck you, fatass."
  • With Henrietta, ally other than Henrietta attacked
    • Henrietta: "Uh, are you going to do anything about your friend getting hurt?"
      The Coon: "Nah."
  • With Human Kite, battle start
    • ​The Coon: "Stand back! The real superheroes are here now."
      Human Kite: "Yeah us real superheroes are here to save the day."
  • With Human Kite, turn start, in low health
    • The Coon: "You know, sometimes I feel like I'm the only one pulling his weight around here."
      Human Kite: "Well, to be fair-"
  • With Human Kite and Super Craig, Super Craig turn start
    • ​Super Craig: "Who needs to get punched the most?"
      The Coon: "Probably Kyle."
      Human Kite: "Fuck you, dude." / "Seriously, fuck you."
  • With Human Kite, ally idle
    • ​The Coon: "At moments like this, just think, "What would The Coon do?""
      Human Kite: "Probably something stupid."
  • With Human Kite, Human Kite idle
    • Human Kite: "Just calculating some trajectories. I'll be ready in a sec."
      The Coon: "God, you're a nerd."
  • With Human Kite, after attacking Human Kite, Alternate Universes Collide Again
    • ​The Coon: "I've wanted to do that for a long time."
      Human Kite: "Screw you, Coon!"
  • With Human Kite, after Human Kite using Laser Burn, Alternate Universes Collide Again
    • ​Human Kite: "Ready to quit yet?"
      The Coon: "Nah, I feel like we should see where this goes."
      Human Kite: "Dammit!"
  • With Human Kite, targeted by Jetstream
    • ​The Coon: "Nice blow job, Human Kite."
      Human Kite: "Remind me to let you get K.O.-ed next time, asshole."
  • With Human Kite, attacked
    • ​The Coon: "You fuck with the Coon, you answer to his friends. Right, guys?"
      Human Kite: "Yeah, yeah, we'll get around to it."
  • With Human Kite, defeated
    • Human Kite: "Dead? Already?"
      The Coon: "Fuck off, all of you."
  • With Human Kite, Human Kite Slowed
    • ​Human Kite: "Human Kite, usually so deft and spry, is moving slow."
      The Coon: "He's deft and spry you guys! He admitted it!"
  • With Human Kite and Toolshed, after Human Kite attacking
    • Toolshed: "Excellent use of your kite-based powers, Human Kite!"
      Human Kite: "Thanks, dude!"
      The Coon: "Jesus, you two, get a room."
  • With Jared Fogle, Toolshed using Spiral Power
    • Jared Fogle: "I love your tool! Wanna hold mine?"
      The Coon: "Fuck you Jared, you nasty son of a bitch!"
  • With Kindergartner, attacked, Civil War 2: Playtime's Over
    • Kindergartner: "Stupid head!"
      The Coon: "You're a stupid head!"
    • Kindergartner: "It's OK if you need to cry."
      The Coon: "You're gonna cry!"
  • With Mitch Conner, victory, To Catch a Coon
    • Mitch Conner: "Hohoho! Guess your super friends aren't so super, Coon!"
      The Coon: "No! Conner can't win!"
  • With Mosquito, character other than Mosquito idle
    • Mosquito: "I'm going to build a pillow fort this weekend."
      The Coon: "That's kind of lame, dude."
  • With Mosquito, Mosquito idle
    • Mosquito: "Does anybody want my lemon bar recipe?"
      The Coon: "Shut up about your stupid lemon bars, Clyde!"
  • With Mosquito, after attacking
    • Mosquito: "First the Coon made them bleed, and then it's Mosquito's time to feed!"
      The Coon: "Snack on your own time, Mosquito. I'm working here."
    • Mosquito: "Can I lick the blood off your claws? Can I? Can I?"
      The Coon: "No way, dude. That's fucking gross."
  • With Mosquito, attacked
    • ​The Coon: "You fuck with the Coon, you answer to his friends. Right, guys?"
      Mosquito: "You're in my thoughts and prayers, Coon."
  • With Mosquito, Mosquito attacked
    • ​Mosquito: "Not gonna cry. Not gonna cry."
      The Coon: "Dammit, Mosquito, pull it together!"
  • With Mysterion, turn start after Corey Haim possessing Karen McCormick
    • The Coon: "Wow, how does it feel to know Corey Haim is inside your sister?"
      Mysterion: "Cartman, I fucking swear to god."
  • With Mysterion, after Mysterion attacking
    • Mysterion: "Today you crossed paths with the wrong immortal fourth grader." / "Weep not for thine enemies. They're, like, total assholes."
      The Coon: "God dammit, Mysterion! Would it kill you to be a little more upbeat?"
      Mysterion: "I doubt it."
  • With Mysterion, attacked
    • ​The Coon: "You fuck with the Coon, you answer to his friends. Right, guys?"
      Mysterion: "Fuck you, dude!"
  • With Professor Chaos, Professor Chaos turn start
    • Professor Chaos: "Muwahahaha!! Remember this day, for it is the day you die!"
      The Coon: "How can they remember it if they're dead?"
      Professor Chaos: "They...uh... Oh darnit."
  • With Professor Chaos, character other than Professor Chaos idle
    • Professor Chaos: "Muwahaha! Muuuwaaahaaa! Muwwwwaaaa!"
      The Coon: "The fuck are you doing, Butters?"
      Professor Chaos: "Practicing my evil laugh."
  • With Professor Chaos, after Professor Chaos using Chaos Blast
    • The Coon: "Don't blow all your Chaos in one load, Professor!"
      Professor Chaos: "Don't worry. Lots more Chaos where that came from!"
  • With Professor Chaos, after Professor Chaos using Chaos Confuse-O-Tron
    • The Coon: "Savor my begrudging respect, old nemesis."
      Professor Chaos: "Oh boy, begrudging respect! That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me."
      The Coon: "Yes. I expect it is."
  • With Professor Chaos, Mitch Conner attacked by Professor Chaos, Farts of Future Past
    • Professor Chaos: "Now did I attack the right one, fellas?"
      The Coon: "No!"
  • With Professor Chaos, defeated
    • Professor Chaos: "Aww. The Coon looks like a sleepy kitty."
      The Coon: "Uh, fucking revive me?"
  • With Red Wine Drunk Randy, Red Wine Drunk Randy Chilled
    • Randy: "Uh! I think my balls just retracted into my abdomen."
      ​The Coon: "I think Stan's dad really wants to kill you, Scott."
  • With Super Craig, after Super Craig using Mega Fist Punch
    • ​The Coon: "Not bad, Super Craig, but try not to slouch next time."
      Super Craig: "Only if you try not to be a dickweed next time."
      ​The Coon: "It's a deal."
  • With Super Craig, Super Craig attacked
    • ​The Coon: "Try to give a fuck, will you Craig?"
      Super Craig: "Sure, you bet."
    • ​The Coon: "You gonna start taking this seriously now, Super Craig?"
      Super Craig: "I doubt it."
  • With Toolshed, Toolshed turn start
    • Toolshed: "Ready to screw the bad guys!"
      The Coon: "Hehe! I bet you are."
  • With Toolshed, idle
    • Toolshed: "Coon, can we get on with saving South Park and stuff?"
      The Coon: "I'm doing it right now, Super Tool."
    • The Coon: "Let's see, I could give you a vicious clawing... Or you... Or you... Hmm." / "Just...need to stand here a little longer... Little longer."
      Toolshed: "GO ALREADY."
  • With Toolshed, after Toolshed using Spiral Power
    • The Coon: "I can't believe your dad was dumb enough to lend you his tools, Toolshed."
      Toolshed: "At least I have a dad."
  • With Toolshed, after Toolshed using Drillslinger
    • The Coon: "You've obviously had some practice handling tools."
      Toolshed: "Uh-huh."
      The Coon: "You know, "tools" is another word for "penises.""
      Toolshed: "Yep. I know."
  • With Tupperware, after Tupperware using Tupper Tornado or Hot Swap
    • The Coon: "Let me know if you need your head burped."
      Tupperware: "That won't be necessary."
  • With Vampire Griefer, after self or ally attacking Vampire Griefer, at birthday party VIP room
    • Vampire Griefer: "I crave the red juice of eternal life!"
      The Coon: "It's fucking clam juice and tomato how good could it be?"
  • With Human Kite, Jared Fogle summoning aides
    • Human Kite: "Oh crap, Jared has aides!"
      The Coon: "I knew it!"
• Unsorted
  • "You fucked a lot of minds today, Doctor Timothy, and now you're gonna pay!"
  • "Kyle, I hate you!"
  • The Coon: "Mysterion, are you like a goth or ninja or what?"
    Mysterion: "I'm a wandering soul who can never truly die."
    The Coon: "Jesus, dramatic much?"
  • Mysterion: "Fate guides your claws, Coon."
    The Coon: "Fuck you, Mysterion. Fate ain't the boss of these fucking sweet claws!"
  • "Nice, but the Coon brand still has a higher Q-score than Mysterion."
  • "Seldom in the history of cooning has anyone been cooned so hard."
  • "Now you've done it! A wounded Coon is the most dangerous of Coons."
  • "This move meshes perfectly with my on-the-go lifestyle."
  • Corey Haim: "Let's have hot milk and cookies after this!"
    The Coon: "I have a little room left."
    Corey Haim: "Hey, let's go to my house! I've got elephants and giraffes, and roller coasters!"
    The Coon: "Oh man, that sounds sweet!"
  • "OK... Well this has been cool, you guys, but we should probably wrap this up soon."
  • "You have aroused the Coon."
  • "Luckily the Coon is impervious to- Oh, fuck, that actually hurts."
  • Wonder Tweek: "Gah! Jesus Christ! You're an animal!"
    The Coon: "Yes, exactly. I'm The Coon."
  • "Dammit, Kyle, you fly around, you shoot lasers, just pick one and let's go on with our lives!"
  • "Oh yeah! There's some fucking Coon Justice for you."
  • "You practice that move in front of the mirror, Mysterion?"
  • "Is it just me or does Mysterion die like all the fucking time?"
  • Human Kite: "Ow, this hurts worse than hemorrhoids."
    The Coon: "Suck it, up, Kyle! Jesus!"
  • Human Kite: "Hey, can you guys just give up before we get in more trouble?"
    The Coon: "Sorry bro. No can do."
  • "Dude, you kiss your mom with that proboscis?"
  • "Annoying as fuck. Classic Mosquito."
  • "Uh-oh. PETA's about to get all over our asses."
  • Professor Chaos: "You hit like my grandma."
    The Coon: "Fuck you, Chaos. That was a brutal attack!"
    Professor Chaos: "I know! Have you met my grandma?"
  • Human Kite: "Hey, Coon, nice of you to give a cosplay option to the plus-sized."
    The Coon: "Yeah, like for your fat bitch mom."
  • Human Kite: "Turns out looks CAN kill, right guys?"
    The Coon: "No! That is not a Coon and Friends-sanctioned quip, Kite!"
  • "Dammit, I didn't kidnap ButtLord's parents!"
  • The Coon: "Wow, Mitch is pretty tough, huh guys?"
    Call Girl: "Fuck you, fatass."
  • Call Girl: "How stupid do you think we are, Eric?"
    The Coon: ""How stupid do you think we are, Eric"... God, Call Girl, you're so annoying."
  • Mitch Conner: "Your muscular body makes the most effective human shield, Coon!"
    The Coon: "I AM known for my super strength, son of a bitch!"
  • Fastpass: "This isn't very funny, Coon."
    The Coon: "Do I look like I'm laughing?!"
  • Fastpass: "Why are you making us beat you up, Coon?"
    The Coon: "I'm not doing shit, dude!"
  • The Coon: "Dammit, I didn't kidnap ButtLord's parents!"
    Super Craig: "I hate you, dude."
  • "Guys, I'm really sorry about this. Mitch is such an asshole, huh?"
  • Human Kite: "We know you're not really hostage of your own hand, asshole."
    The Coon: "Oh, yeah, blame the victim. Real cool, Kite."
  • Human Kite: "Dammit, Coon! Quit fooling around!"
    The Coon: "I'm just an innocent hostage here!"
  • The Coon: "You know I didn't do that, right? That was Conner."
    Human Kite: "Give me a fucking break!" / "Oh god, it's so fucking obvious Cartman is fucking with us."
  • The Coon: "Man, Mitch Conner sure plays dirty, huh guys?" / "Wow, Mitch is pretty tough, huh guys?"
    Human Kite: "Cut the crap, dick!"
  • The Coon: "Wow, Mitch is pretty tough, huh guys?"
    Human Kite: "Fuck you, Cartman."
  • The Coon: "Guys, I'm really sorry about this. Mitch is such an asshole, huh?"
    Human Kite: "You're such a fucking liar, Cartman!"
  • Human Kite: "This is getting real old, Coon."
    The Coon: "Yeah, tell me about it. Stop Conner!"
  • Mitch Conner: "How does it feel having your friends' blood on your hands, Coon?"
    Human Kite: "Yeah, like literally ON YOUR HAND, asshole."
    The Coon: "Dude, it's not me!"
  • The Coon: "Dammit, I didn't kidnap ButtLord's parents!"
    Fastpass: "Just stop, Coon."
  • The Coon: "Guys, I'm really sorry about this. Mitch is such an asshole, huh?"
    Fastpass: "Yeah, right."
  • The Coon: "You know I didn't do that, right? That was Conner."
    Fastpass: "Oh, come on."
  • "My health bar is so big you guys!"
  • The Coon: "See, Super Craig, you can emote when you want to."
    Super Craig: "Emote this."
  • "Kyle, you suck."
  • The Coon: "You're f'ing cheating!"
    Mitch Conner: "I'm not cheating, it's the rules."
  • Mitch Conner: "Ooh, the Coon's not going to like that."
    The Coon: "Kyle, I hate you."
  • "Kyle, I can't believe how much of a fucking asshole you are."
  • "Fucking stop Kyle!"
  • "I'M SAVED YOU GUYS!"
  • "Way to suck off those enemies, Butthole."
  • "Stay with the Coon, dude."
  • "I'm like super satanic now, guys."
  • Professor Chaos: "I hope that really hurt, Coon!"
    The Coon: "Come down here and face us, you fucking pussy!"
  • "You'd think Toolshed would have a fucking extinguisher, right?"
  • The Coon: "I think you're taking this a little too far, Butters."
    Professor Chaos: "Thanks for noticing!"
  • "Butters, you fucking idiot! I'm so fucking pissed at you right now!"